June 12, 2018
I’ve lived in so many different places that by now, I don’t identify a single city as my hometown. Home is more a feeling than a location for me.
Moving to a new city means adapting to a new house or apartment, making new friends, learning my way around the neighbourhood. It means shedding the roles that people have previously defined me with. In some ways, my identity has a fresh start as I make first impressions and establish myself once more.
They say the only constant is change, but there is a permanent fixture in my life: DANCE! Ballet, jazz, tap, contemporary, and everything in between. Having dance in my life is a gift that fills me with so much gratitude. My love of dance is stable and solid as a rock, and I bring it with me wherever I go.
Dance is an international language. Whether I’m in Canada or Poland, I always understand music. I can always express myself through movement. I feel the rhythm, no matter if my instructor is speaking English or Polish. Muscle memory takes over, even with unfamiliar instructors or styles. When I’m in a dance studio, I am home.
Dance is an integral part of who I am. I have learned so much from all my dance instructors, my fellow dancers, and from the art itself: teamwork, belonging, and friendship; discipline, focus, and goal-setting; joy, energy, and expression; confidence, poise, and self-reliance.
Today was my last day at my ballet class in Gdansk, at the wonderful studio La Pasion. I have also had my last day of school, passed my last exam, and submitted my documents at the Dean’s Office to apply for my diploma. I have even started packing my life into boxes, throwing my whole apartment into the familiar chaos of moving.
All of these have been important milestones, but up until today it felt surreal. I’ve been in a state of stunned disbelief since my last exam. It has been difficult to comprehend that I am done. I am, of course, SO GRATEFUL not to be studying right now! My capacity to study and pass exams was wrung out like a sponge, with every last drop of motivation squeezed out. And at the point where I felt like I couldn’t summon any more energy to study more, I still had three more exams to go. But I did it! The hard work is done. I want to feel ecstatic! But where is the exhilaration? Where is the nostalgia? Where is my emotional reaction to the fact that a six-year long chapter of my life is coming to a close?
Tonight, at my last ballet class in Gdansk, it finally hit me. I was overwhelmed with gratitude and emotion the moment we finished our reverence at the end of the class.
It has been an incredible privilege to be welcomed into this community of Polish dancers, to get to share their immense love of ballet. I felt like I belonged there, with those beautiful people who love dancing as much as I do. From the very first day, they welcomed me with open arms. They gave me a place to feel at home. I will never forget how they accepted me with such kindness. Something about saying goodbye to the dance studio, this satellite home of mine, woke me out of my reverie. It’s really happening—I am moving out of Gdansk and into new adventures!
So, if I was wondering where all the emotion was… well, here it is! This heartfelt goodbye was one of many bittersweet moments ahead of me for the rest of this month. All I can do is appreciate each moment as it comes, knowing that I have many more wonderful experiences and challenges ahead of me.
Only 18 days until the graduation ceremony!
The Life of All Sorts 